Speed dating at Blacktusk Inn - Part 12

As you’re approaching the short goatman’s table, and possibly against your better judgement, you wink back at him, much to his delight. He adjusts himself to better reach your hand across the table.

You extend your hand in return, but before your fingers even touch, the man begins talking at breakneck speed.

“Hello, hello, hello and good night! Can I get you anything to drink? On me, of course, don’t you worry about that, I’ll be done with my drink in a second and I’m about to order another one.”

“That’s very gracious of you! I would have to think about it, considering I already had some beer and wine earlier. I don’t want to get too tipsy!”

“Of course, of course, I understand” he jabbers, not skipping a beat. “Have you tried the hazelnut mead yet? It’s to die for. What’s your name, handsome? I don’t believe I’ve seen you before at these events, have I?”

You take a second to parse everything he said since you last had an opportunity to get a word out.

“Oh. In that order, no I haven’t, I’m called Taro, and it is indeed, my first time here. I hope I’m not offending you with my request but would you mind talking a little slower, um… What would your name be, may I ask?”

The goatman blinks.

“Yeah what the hell, I can go slower if you want. My name? Foreign and difficult to pronounce, don’t even bother, just call me Asu and we’re good.”

You chuckle. “Don’t worry, people get 'Taro' wrong all the time. ‘Asu’, am I saying it correctly?”

“Again, buddy, don’t even bother, it doesn’t matter” replies Asu, with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Listen, Taro. I’m gonna cut to the chase, if that’s alright with you. I find you attractive and I would like to have sex with you.”

Had you taken up his offer for a drink, you would have spat it out in shock. “I see, straight to the point.”

“However,” continues Asu, with a frustrated tone, “I’m compelled -literally compelled, wouldn’t you believe it-, to inform you that in doing so… I would suck your soul out of your penis.”

You stare in disbelief. “I hope you mean performing an extraordinary fellatio.”

“I said what I said, pal. Doesn’t matter what orifice, if I make you climax, I get your soul, that’s how it goes.”