The Hovel--May Newsletter!

Hello Everyone,

It’s the beginning of a new month, and the beginning of True Spring here in Colorado. The first half of spring here is always a game of chicken with the weather. It will be warm for weeks in a row and then dump three inches of snow seemingly at random. I always think of this as Persephone’s reluctance to leave Hades—her slow, weary return to the upper lands. Like Persephone, I am also slow to wake as the weather warms. I become used to my long, creative days indoors, and never feel quite ready for the expected productivity of springtime.

This year, I secured a spot in my apartment complex’s community garden. I’ve been trying to grow foods in a small box on my patio for the last two years. My biggest problem isn’t the growing, but the pollinating. My tomato plants looked deceptively healthy last year. They flowered, and grew long and leafy vines, but then failed to produce much fruit. I’m hoping that by planting alongside other gardeners, I’ll be able to grow more successfully. If not, maybe I’ll learn something from the people who are able to.

Despite my reluctance to crawl from hibernation, springtime remains a favorite season for me. It’s one of renewal and a return of sunlight. It’s a hopeful season, and I think we all need a little bit of that light right now. I know I do.
proof of April snow--if we can even call photos proof anymore.

IN THE LIFE

The most interesting thing that happened in April didn’t even really happen to me. My baby nephew was born early. He’s tiny, weighing less than 5lbs, but healthy. It’s such a joy to see the pride my brother and sister-in-law have for him.

I’ve said before that I don’t want children of my own. I don’t possess whatever maternal drive it is that makes people want to procreate. The whole process feels alien and a bit gross to me, like something of science fiction—growing a human within myself is foreign to everything I’ve ever wanted from life. I do like kids though. I think there’s an incredibly important space for queer and otherwise childless people to fill within a community with children. I’ll fill the strange artsy aunty roll to the best of my ability.

(I do have baby photos, but I don't feel like his image is mine to share, so I'm sorry for that. If strangers were kinder, or we lived in a less exploitative society, I would maybe be less hesitant. For now, know that he is quite wrinkly still--in a way that is both ugly, and cute. His head is too big for his body, and his hands are so small it makes me want to cry. As my brother keeps saying, he is the smallest human I've ever met.)


I also visited Bishop's castle this month, though it was so near to the beginning I nearly forgot to include it! Colorado's own hand-made castle, complete with misshapen, crumbling, and hole-filled steps. It's terrifying to climb, I couldn't make it all the way the top. I adore that this exists, but I'm also reminded of why building permits and regulations are a GOOD thing.

PROGRESS BAR

Right now, I feel a little bit as if I’m working very hard and failing in spite of that. I know that I’m not. There are no real failures or successes in adult life—only continuations. I am a creature of high ambition, and low energy though, and sometimes it manifests in me feeling like I have accomplished very little.

I know that this feeling is, in part, because I am in the middle of all of my projects. There is no feeling of great success when you’ve only moved the progress bar forward. It is progress, but not yet accomplishment, so it’s very difficult to celebrate. I did work very hard this month, though, and I deserve to acknowledge it.

In April, I wrote more words than I’ve ever written in my life. I wrote 29,000 words of prose on Purgatory. I’ve never written a novel, and as I work on it more and more problems seem to crop up in the plot. It’s a maddening puzzle, and I feel as if I’m searching for the pieces under the couch and in cushions as I’m putting it together—and I don’t even have the box for reference. It turns out, that writing something long-form is really difficult, actually. Who would have thought the millions of writers who came before me, would be right about that? Purgatory progress tracker--I'm currently at 46,000 words!

I also made progress on HEARTACHE, but did not finish the layouts/thumbnails stage. (Here’s to another month of trying ;__;.) If you remember, I mentioned having to re-write huge portions of the chapter I’m currently on, and I got through that part! Potentially, I should be able to move through to the ending without any additional re-writing—potentially!! I’m really looking forward to being able to see the whole thing laid out, and to nailing down its final form. When the layouts and writing are all finished the only thing that’s left is to make it look beautiful. (I say that as if it isn’t also incredibly difficult, it’s just an incredibly difficult step I’ve done a few times before and feel better equipped to accomplish.) I'm reminded, often, of how much making graphic novels is a labor of love—no sane person would do this.
Don't let the page numbers fool you here. I actually have no idea what page in the actual book I'm on--this is just where they correspond to the script.
This spread is not from this month, but I like it, and I haven't shared it yet. I LOVE the library scenes. I will hate them when I end up having to draw hundreds of books, though.

The progress tracker for HEARTACHE. I'm getting dangerously close to the end--and then I'll start another one for the next stage.

For May, I think my goal is to plant my garden and draw some mermaids. That sounds like a reasonable expectation for me. I’m writing this while feeling the first telltale pulls of burnout, so I’m setting the threshold of success very low.

BUTTON JAR

I read more than I thought I did this month! Good on me for that.

READING:

-Blood on Her Tongue by Johanna Van Veen—a Gothic Horror with vampires AND sapphic characters will always be an easy read for me. I ate this book up.

-Dr. Sleep—Stephen King’s sequel to the Shining. I read this book because I’m writing a ghost book with a character who is a medium, and I wanted to see how he handled it. While this book was beautifully structured, and the prose was masterful—King is one of the greats for a reason… I didn’t like it.

-A Stir of Echoes by Richard Matheson—this was another 'research' book— it’s about a man who gains a psychic ability after being hypnotized and begins seeing a ghost in his house because of it—it’s also a dip into something oddly near to my heart. I watched the 1999 movie adaptation (with Kevin Bacon?) at an age where it made a strange impression on me. I think I might be the only person who thinks about the 1999 Stir of Echoes on a regular basis. I did enjoy the book, but not near as much as I cherish that movie.

-Thieves by Lucie Bryon—this was a really charming Graphic novel. I really, really enjoyed it, and I should probably add more graphic novels to my TBR... considering I am trying to make one.

-Eat the Ones You Love—this book a sapphic story told from the perspective of a flesh eating, mind manipulating, parasitic plant. Despite that, it’s actually not that strange to read? I liked it a lot.

WATCHING

-I’m rewatching the x-files for probably the 20th time. I won’t explain myself here.

LISTENING

This month, I found myself listening to Crystal Castles on repeat. Alice glass continues to tickle something inside of me that I seemingly can’t scratch with anything else right now. Music is like that for me—one at a time, and only obsessively.

OUTRO

I don’t really have a good gauge on how many people make it this far in my newsletters. Its a little bit of a process of shouting into the void. I think, despite that, I like doing these anyway. Its nice to recap my progress, and talk about the silly little events that have highlighted my month.

All this to say, if you made it this far, please leave a comment!

Best wishes, and here’s onto May!

-Kelsi