my comfort and safe place

Everyone, sorry for the delay. As I've warned in latest IG post with this art, I wanted to mention here too, except a few promised hot arts in September, I'm afraid I won't update often this month 'cause my health is just getting worse and worse. The drowsiness is dizziness makes me feel like I'm going to faint to a point I have to hold onto walls. What's worst I don't know why exactly, except based on recent check-up in hospital I only have migraines and some lack of white blood cells. It's strange because I used to get migraines and symptoms of low immune system even as a kid, still I was much more energetic as a kid and teen. Like I would run, climb everywhere,  jump, play games, read, go out. Even a couple of years ago I used to have energy even when I'd get sick, like with fever, headaches and cold - I still had motivation to work on something I dream about.

Year by year it started to reduce and lately this year it all fully changed, and I started to feel extreme tiredness and apathy too often, it follows me almost 24/7. It's been months and nothing is improving. Everything I do takes up so much of my energy, cooking for myself, cleaning, exercising, going out for a walk, even communicating with people, like replying a message or email feels like a difficult task and I postpone replying for weeks if not for months.

There were advices from kind people here not to stress and not to consume much coffee, well I have only half of cup with milk once a day, but as for stress... I can't determine the issue yet. This physical condition exhausts me mentally and emotionally and I'm unwillingly becoming more and more uninterested, detached, apathetic, like I just wanna stay offline and sleep whole day. I guess sleepiness might be a response to that problem and often I just I force myself to stay awake.

Nevertheless I still want to draw, like my soul needs that therapy, I have a lot of ideas, I picture beautiful and sensual scenes in my mind with taekook, but... I feel powerless. This stresses me even more that I could do more and better and quicker but I can't, yeah I know it's not right to do so. On the positive note I noticed there's a lot of new, young, talented taekook artists who draw more and better than me, so I conclude that there's no need for me to 'fill the gap' or keep up with the rest, I'd only say I'm proud that taekook community is growing and it's just so amazing.

At this point I only want to finish My Only One, like some people say "things to do before you die", I'd say I want to complete My Only One before I die. It's my chef d'œuvre, it's my magnum opus and I won't give up on it until I give it a worthy end.

I thank everyone in for your kindness, concern, understanding and support, as I always said it means so much to me. Take care. Love. HL?